Monday, July 22, 2019
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I saw someone get attacked by a group of mimes yesterday

I saw someone get attacked by a group of mimes yesterday they were dong unspeakable things to the victim.
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“Let that sink in,” he said.

“Let that sink in,” he said. “Ugh, what does the sink want this time?”

Why can’t T-rexes clap their hands ?

Why can't T-rexes clap their hands ? Because they're dead.

What do business people wear in Thailand?

What do business people wear in Thailand? Suit & Thai

I started watching a new TV show about fishing last night…..

I started watching a new TV show about fishing last night..... I'm already hooked!
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My opinion of AskReddit

My opinion of AskReddit It seems questionable

My dad was looking a little discombobulated, so I asked him,...

My dad was looking a little discombobulated, so I asked him, "Hey pop, you alright?" I knew he had snapped back to reality, at least...

How do chicken farmers count their eggs?

How do chicken farmers count their eggs? With an eggsel spreadsheet.

My Wife lost the race to Sister Mary Francis

My Wife lost the race to Sister Mary Francis Apparently, she was second to nun.
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Why does the Norway navy have bar codes on the side...

Why does the Norway navy have bar codes on the side of their ships? So when they come back to port they can Scandinavian. ...

My wife was reading an article about baby massages

My wife was reading an article about baby massages Me: Do you think they work? Her: I'm not sure. Me: I don't think their fingers...

“Hey, Watson, why are you taking Ex-Lax?”

“Hey, Watson, why are you taking Ex-Lax?” No shit, Sherlock.

What do we want?! Low flying airplanes! When do we want...

What do we want?! Low flying airplanes! When do we want them?!? NEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOW!!!!!!
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I took the r out of Sprite, just for spite!

I took the r out of Sprite, just for spite! No text found

I tried to keep my dream alive.

I tried to keep my dream alive. Unfortunately, the snooze button was hard to reach.

Spoiler Alert!!

Spoiler Alert!! I forgot to put the milk back in the fridge for days.

I was troubleshooting today.

I was troubleshooting today. Unfortunately trouble turned out to be a better shot.
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I’ve been named the patron saint of Chipotle…

I've been named the patron saint of Chipotle... Call me Guaca-holy.

Why do all hotdogs look the same?

Why do all hotdogs look the same? Because they are in bread.

I was recently asked to review a book on dreams…

I was recently asked to review a book on dreams... ...it was a real snoozefest.

While ordering butter chicken at a local restaurant, I asked if...

While ordering butter chicken at a local restaurant, I asked if they had any pita ....they had Nhan
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Dad, can we have ice-cream???

Dad, can we have ice-cream??? Sorry kids, the truck only rings the chimes when he has none left.

What noise does a 747 make when it bounces?

What noise does a 747 make when it bounces? Boeing, Boeing, Boeing.

I had borscht for dinner.

I had borscht for dinner. It's Russian right through me

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