Wednesday, August 21, 2019
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My friend’s been fasting for the past few days, and it’s...

My friend's been fasting for the past few days, and it's finally taking a toll of him. I told him my printer had a...
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I had borscht for dinner.

I had borscht for dinner. It's Russian right through me

Man I tell ya, until I met my wife I always...

Man I tell ya, until I met my wife I always felt incomplete... Now I'm finished... #dadjokes

A cow fell off a truck in Russia

A cow fell off a truck in Russia Apparently he hadn't been put in properly. #dadjokes

Two windmills are standing in a field…

Two windmills are standing in a field... One asks the other, "What kind of music do you like?"The other one says, "I’m a big...
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What did the green grape tell the purple grape?

What did the green grape tell the purple grape? Breathe, stupid! #dadjokes

Some people have trouble sleeping…

Some people have trouble sleeping... ...but I can do it with my eyes closed... #dadjokes

Watching Despicable Me 3 with my dad

Watching Despicable Me 3 with my dad During the opening credits, he spotted those familiar yellow, pill-shaped creatures that we all know too well. He...

I’m addicted to having money in the bank…

I’m addicted to having money in the bank… I really do suffer from withdrawals… #dadjokes
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“Let that sink in,” he said.

“Let that sink in,” he said. “Ugh, what does the sink want this time?”

What did the big chimney say to the little chimney?

What did the big chimney say to the little chimney? "You're too young to smoke." #dadjokes

By shear coincidence…

By shear coincidence... ...all these sheep look the same... #dadjokes

Has anyone watched a movie called “The Tractor”?

Has anyone watched a movie called "The Tractor"? Me neither but I've seen the trailer !
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Why did the robot marry his fiancée?

Why did the robot marry his fiancée? He couldn’t resistor. #dadjokes

Scientists have discovered exactly how much sleep an average person needs…

Scientists have discovered exactly how much sleep an average person needs... Just 5 minutes more... #dadjokes

I don’t mind to drill a hole

I don't mind to drill a hole It's just a little boring

A white horse fell in the mud…

A white horse fell in the mud... And took a bath. #dadjokes
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You know what they say about grandfather clocks…

You know what they say about grandfather clocks… They’re old timers. #dadjokes

What do you call a fake noodle?

What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta #dadjokes

Dad… did you just take a poop?

Dad... did you just take a poop? I didn't take one, I left one!

My cat refused to eat carbs.

My cat refused to eat carbs. She calls it the kitty-O diet. #dadjokes
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Know what Shakespeare’s dog was named?

Know what Shakespeare’s dog was named? Damned Spot #dadjokes

My dad called me today and told me he was transitioning...

My dad called me today and told me he was transitioning to be a female He just wanted to be transparent

Blondes & Computers

Blondes & Computers Q: How are blondes and computers similar?A: You never appreciate them until they go down on you. #dadjokes

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