Tuesday, December 10, 2019
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Two middle aged men playing golf.

Two middle aged men playing golf. Out of the corner of his eye, through the trees, one gentleman sees a funeral procession passing just outside...
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I don’t always tell dad jokes, but when I do…

I don't always tell dad jokes, but when I do... he laughs.

It is true that I am a psychic lumberjack.

It is true that I am a psychic lumberjack. I saw it with my own eyes.

What concert costs only 45 cents?

What concert costs only 45 cents? 50 Cent ft. Nickelback

Did you hear about the guy who was in the water...

Did you hear about the guy who was in the water but said he wasn't? He was in the Nile
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I never eat clocks!

I never eat clocks! It’s time consuming.

Why did the butter keep running?

Why did the butter keep running? It was on a roll!

I asked my dad how many inches are in a foot

I asked my dad how many inches are in a foot He said it depends whose foot

I’m going to start a Japanese liquor company, call it “Fuck...

I'm going to start a Japanese liquor company, call it "Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck" Four fucks sake
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What’s the derivative of Amazon?

What's the derivative of Amazon? Amazon Prime

Someone stole my mirror yesterday

Someone stole my mirror yesterday They need to take a long hard look at themselves

This is my step ladder.

This is my step ladder. I never knew my real ladder.

Her: Your shoes are all torn. You need a new pair.

Her: Your shoes are all torn. You need a new pair. Me: Are you asking me to reboot myself?
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10 year old gets 18 year old at the dinner table

10 year old gets 18 year old at the dinner table Big son: For a while now ... I've had the impression there's something wrong...

A blacksmith took a bet to spend three nights in a...

A blacksmith took a bet to spend three nights in a haunted house He lost when he got freaked out and made a bolt for...

What’s Whitney Houston’s favourite coordination?

What's Whitney Houston's favourite coordination? Hand Eyeeeeeeee!

Finger Condoms

Finger Condoms A guy at work broke out a big bag of finger cots, jokingly known as finger condoms. Another guy close by saw them...
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Two satellites decided to get married

Two satellites decided to get married The ceremony wasn’t much but the reception was incredible.

I never refuse Pi.

I never refuse Pi. That would be irrational.

Ever heard of the band ‘The Broken Down Cars’?

Ever heard of the band 'The Broken Down Cars'? Not surprising, they didn't go anywhere.

I passed a rest area on my way home from NY…

I passed a rest area on my way home from NY... The sign said it was 25 miles. That's a HUGE rest area!
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I’d like to tell dad jokes, but I don’t have kids.

I'd like to tell dad jokes, but I don't have kids. I'm a faux pa.

Son: Dad, can you take my temperature?

Son: Dad, can you take my temperature? Dad: Nah, you keep it

What kind of alligator gives the best directions?

What kind of alligator gives the best directions? A navigator

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