Thursday, January 23, 2020
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What did the Tin Man say when he got run over...

What did the Tin Man say when he got run over by a steamroller? “Curses! Foil again!” #dadjokes

My ten-month-old was sitting in her high chair, twisting and moving...

My ten-month-old was sitting in her high chair, twisting and moving all over the place... My wife said to me, “Straighten her up.”I looked...

A man was caught stealing in a supermarket today…

A man was caught stealing in a supermarket today... ...while balanced on the shoulders of a couple of vampires.He was charged with shoplifting on...

I’ve just made a meeting site for retired chemists

I've just made a meeting site for retired chemists It's called Carbon Dating #dadjokes

What’s the difference between a bird and a fly?

What's the difference between a bird and a fly? A bird can fly, but a fly can't bird. #dadjokes
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What fruit do Romeo and Juliet eat?

What fruit do Romeo and Juliet eat? Cantelope #dadjokes

Book, you look so much thinner!

Book, you look so much thinner! I know! I had my appendix removed! #dadjokes

My dental hygienist retired after working 55 years…

My dental hygienist retired after working 55 years... All she got was a lousy plaque... #dadjokes

One time we ran out of soap-

One time we ran out of soap- -so we had to use hand sanitizer!!! #dadjokes
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Breaking news! Energizer Bunny arrested…

Breaking news! Energizer Bunny arrested... ...charged with battery. #dadjokes

My old roommate’s bathroom was so dirty-

My old roommate's bathroom was so dirty- -I had to clean the soap before using it. (Seriously.) #dadjokes

Did you know that it’s traditional to serve Eggs Benedict on...

Did you know that it's traditional to serve Eggs Benedict on a hubcap? There's no plate like chrome for the Hollandaise. #dadjokes

What do you call a number that can’t keep still?

What do you call a number that can’t keep still? A roamin’ numeral. #dadjokes
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What did the digital clock say to the grandfather clock?

What did the digital clock say to the grandfather clock? "Look grandpa, no hands!" #dadjokes

What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backwards?

What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backwards? A receding hare-line. #dadjokes

Never play poker with a pieces of paper.

Never play poker with a pieces of paper. They're bound to fold. #dadjokes

I would make a sparrow joke…

I would make a sparrow joke... But they don't fly very well. #dadjokes

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