Today I Will Attend My Own Funeral
Today I will attend my own funeral, and in less than 24 hours I will be dead. My death comes as no surprise and for no other reason than that of random chance. Dying simply as a victim of circumstance, in the place of another. I am in the most pain I've ever been in, both physically and emotionally, and my body is deteriorating quickly. Most of my remaining day will be lived out in pain with fever, sweating and difficulty breathing until my cells completely stop producing protein and I die.
This report, while short, stands as my last will and testament to the world about my life and the murder that ended it. To my family, I'm sorry this has happened and that things have to end this way. Trust me when I say that I would like nothing more than added time with each of you. It's grossly unfair that a parent outlive their child and this is no exception. I love you all dearly and wish the best to all of you. We all want a happy ending, but we've seen enough movies and faced enough tragedies to know it doesn't always play out that way. Stay strong, and continue on because part of the journey is the end, but it's not the end for you yet, so don't stop pushing forward. I leave behind no wife, no children and sadly enough not even a pet, but what I do leave behind are memories with my friends and my family that have touched my heart and I hope cause you to look back with fondness someday.
If you are reading this, that means you've found this testimony one of two ways. If you have been invited to attend my funeral you have found this memoir on your chair with a personalized message to you from me on the back of this sheet. This is my honest and most heartfelt goodbye to each friend and family member I've chosen to impart these words to, while a much more generic version will be uploaded to Reddit in hopes the world could find my killer, and bring him to justice. Let my last moments be used to educate yourselves on the dangers we’re faced with in the world daily.
In the absence of time, I plan to condense many of the details of the past few days, as the effects of the poison racing through my body have already begun to devolve my health. The stomach pain increases even as I type and soon will be unbearable. That being said I do want to at least offer a concise timeline of the past few days to hopefully clear up any questions you may have and so that each of you understand why I've abruptly invited you to attend my funeral on such short notice.
Two nights ago, I was sitting in my second story apartment watching reruns of Friends on Netflix after what I considered at the time to be a long day at work. I realize now that I had no concept of a long day and nothing my job had thrown at me would hold a candle to the anguish I would face in the days to come. Unknown to me, a man had broken into my apartment that night with full intent to end my life. The man had somehow forced his way inside while I was at work and had been hiding in my bedroom for what must have been hours. I got up from the couch to change my clothes for bed and when I opened my bedroom door the man lunged at me from the side of the doorframe. I was completely caught off guard and hadn’t even had a chance to turn the lights on in the room so I couldn't make out his appearance at all. I collapsed on the ground as the force of the man’s body fell hard on my chest and left shoulder. I struggled to get free but he was heavier than I am and to my detriment, I’m not particularly strong. I kicked my legs as violently as I could and managed to get him to roll off to my left side. I crawled out of the room and tried to get my footing but I felt a sharp, piercing sensation in my right arm. In impulse I grabbed at the area where I had felt the sharp pain and pulled out what was undeniably a syringe. The man now also outside the bedroom was standing over me, looking down as he grabbed for the syringe. Now in the light of the living room, I finally got a good look at him. He was aged somewhere in his early 30s, and not much taller than I am (so I’d say about 5’ 10”). He had side swept, brown hair with a distinctive white patch in the middle of the top of his hair and brown eyes. He had a pretty dark complexion which as far as I could tell was just a tan and not a racial identifier. He wore a black hoodie and had a tattoo of some kind of tiger on his left arm.
The man proceeded to inform me that he knew I had been “fucking” his wife Julia and he had been watching my apartment for days waiting for the right moment to exact his revenge. He had moved into the building across the street with his wife a little over 3 months ago and noticed she was spending a lot of time away from home. He told me that his paranoia had been building for quite some time and that he had started following her when she left at night. Of course, he found her consistently going to this building and this room. In a blind rage fueled by the the thought of his wife having an affair he researched options of effectively poisoning a person that would be both hard to trace and easy to use, subsequently outlining a plan to take the life of the man sleeping with his wife. The intruder informed me that he had gotten his hands on some castor beans and began the process of making ricin. A lot of this information is readily available on the internet and a quick google search was all he needed. The dose of ricin he injected into me was a lethal one. The process of making ricin is very intentional and as I’ve quickly learned over these last couple of days, there is currently no antidote for ricin and it’s frighteningly hard to detect. The injection was quick and I would have somewhere in the ball park of 3 days to live.
In an unfortunate turn of events (that I have had to come to terms with), the man was actually looking for my roommate, Brian. This came as no real surprise to me, because my roommate had mentioned countless times that he was having sex with a married woman and that it fulfilled some “primal need within him”, mixed with the thrill of secrecy.
Brian and I had become roommates through Facebook, and I've always hated him. He is one of the cockiest and most entitled people I had ever met but offered me a really sweet deal on rent payments that I couldn't pass up at the time. Luckily for me he was away a lot because of his job which made living with him tolerable. If you are reading this, Brian, I just wanted to let you know you’re losing a roommate.
I didn’t personally know him but I put up a post looking for a cheap apartment and he was looking for a roommate to split rent with and take care of the apartment while he was away on business trips. It worked out in the beginning since it was mostly like I lived alone. I got cheaper rent by splitting it with Brian but I soon grew fed up with him coming home in drunken stupors after his business trips and having sex with random women he’d met in bars.
Living with Brian was awkward and being around him when he was drunk was intolerable. All the sex and the swearing was degrading to watch, he used my room for his one night stands while I was at work, and he constantly left dirty laundry all over the apartment. None of it matters at this point. He had just left on yet another business trip roughly 3 days prior. He would be gone for about 2 weeks in Chicago and then have a week-long conference in San Diego.
I explained the situation regarding my roommate to the intruder and as I would have expected from a man in his state of mind, he didn’t believe a word I said. He still thought I was the one having the affair and I was trying to process that I was dying. I was in a panic, knowing I was poisoned and fearing for my life. I attacked him, I threw punches frantically and was crying hysterically. The man fought back kicking me in the rib cage and dislocating my right shoulder. I fought as best I could but the man was stronger, bigger and obviously more experienced than I was. He beat me within an inch of my life and left me there on the cold floor to die. I had blacked out from the beating and came to hours later.
I called 911 and the ambulance came, paramedics and police officers swarmed the apartment trying to get me stabilized and searching for any evidence to track my assailant but he had been meticulous. The doctors confirmed that I had only days to live and tried treating my symptoms as best they could. It had been hours before I received any medical attention and by that point it was too little too late.
I spent most of the day yesterday getting things ready for my passing. Preparing my finances, finalizing my will and organizing the funeral service. I've contacted the funeral director to complete the death certificate upon my passing and properly transport and cremate my remains. I've pre-paid the funeral home for the service today and notified the bank of my death. Before doing so, I added my mom and dad to my checking and savings accounts so that my accounts would not be frozen and they can use the money to pay my expenses.
The pastor came by this afternoon to pray with me and setup arrangements for the service. The church even provided the flowers. I'm getting myself ready as I type this and will be wearing my best suit. I'm leaving here momentarily for the funeral home to share my last interactions with each of you. Though, I don't know how much I will be able to say. I'm sweating profusely from the fever and my lungs are getting progressively tighter. The treatments the doctor gave me are wearing off.
I've tried to my best to not bring you down with too many details, the hardest part of these last few days has been the mental strain. I've processed through a lot and lived in panic and anger but when the reality of what is happening hit me, I had to accept it and make peace with my future. To the best of my ability that is what I've done and I hope this letter, along with the personalized messages to each of you will be enough. It won't be long but I've seen the funeral layout and it will be a beautiful service. The last thing I have to do is upload this file and step into my coffin. I don't know of a person in history that has had the privilege of stepping into their own coffin and had you asked me 3 days ago I would have said that wouldn't be a privilege at all. A lot has changed since then, and whether I like it or not, it's time that I rest in peace. My only hope is that my killer is found.
Submitted May 14, 2019 at 09:18PM by dstodart